Treated with disrespect

Over years of visiting various doctors it is quite likely that you will have run into a few that were condescending, patronizing  or otherwise treated you with disrespect. Knowing how to react and what to say when faced with it can be difficult. Depending on the circumstance, I have reacted differently in the handful of times this has happened to me. Just the other day I was taking my son for one of his monthly treatments requiring an infusion, and one of the IV team nurses was paged to put the IV in him. When she came up, the floor nurses were with another patient so we were the only ones there. Her attitude when I asked if she was from the IV team was condescending, as though as parents we were ignorant and would not be of any use to her. I did not call her on it, but rather explained she was paged for my son, asked relevant questions and continued a conversation with her. By the time the other nurses returned she had warmed up to me and was speaking to me without the air of superiority. 

On another occasion I had gone into to a new clinic while in my first trimester of pregnancy and saw an Ob/Gyn fellow that was not only disrespectful and condescending, but abused her power by threatening me. As a Type 1 diabetic I had to keep records of my blood sugars so I had written all of them down by date and time in a sort of calendar format. After reviewing the numbers, the fellow immediately told me that I should start adjusting my insulin regimen. Now I am certainly not opposed to changing it, but she hadn't asked me any questions, didn't understand that my highs during some parts of the day could be a result of overcompensating for a low, etc, so I asked her if we could try maybe adjusting the timing of the insulin instead for a day or two (as my endocrinologist had suggested) and then if it was still high to increase my dose. She responded by saying she couldn't force me to do anything, so I could do it or not. I was shocked. I was used to working with a wonderful endocrinologist who worked with me by asking questions, determining if my highs and lows were affected by circumstance or activity or my medication and then coming up with a plan that made sense for the situation. On the contrary, this fellow was dismissive and treated me like I was a number with a standard course of action rather than trying to question and understand me as an individual. Things only got worse from there.

I had been diagnosed with hypertension a year ago and had purchased a home monitoring kit to keep track. I had also been given medications that I had taken either 2 or 3 times a day based on my numbers at home and according to previous doctors' recommendations. When I told the fellow that I had been under intense stress lately and had started taking my medication 3 times as day as that kept my blood pressures normal, she completed dismissed my comment about being stressed and asked what my numbers had been. I said they varied but averaged about 140/95, she replied that that wasn't high enough for me to take my medicine 3 times instead of 2 and that if I made adjustments on my own she would not call in my refill, and in fact was thinking about canceling my prescription all together. According to every doctor I have seen, 140/95 is high and should be treated and it seemed like an abuse of power to threaten to not give me my medication if I didn't follow her orders without question. I was insulted, hurt and upset. On the verge of tears, I was not in any frame of mind to call her out on her conduct and opted instead to go home. 

The next day as I replayed the whole conversation in my head, I found I was still upset by her disrespect and unprofessionalism. Realizing it would be pointless to talk to her about this issue, I instead contacted the hospital to find out who the head of the department was and sent him an email explaining the situation. He replied immediately and spoke to the fellow about her conduct. Needless to say I never saw that fellow again.

The point is that disrespect can take different forms and there are many ways to deal with it, but whether you call the person out, ignore it, file a complaint or decide to go to another doctor, I have found that you need to make a conscious decision to deal with the issue in a way that ensures that you and your family are treated with respect. You may not have a medical background, but that doesn't mean that those who do should treat you with any less respect.